A letter to Karlee Jo

As many of you know, we have been struggling on our adoption with Karlee for almost 4 years.  Its been a long, arduous journey. Following is a little letter to Karlee i want to share with you all…

 

Dear Karlee,

Sweet baby, adorable toddler , and now preschoolar,

Labor of our heart for almost four years.

These years are filled with dreams, hopes and plans. We prayed for you to come home so  often. We came to visit you and our love for you grew. I think back to the first time you were placed in my arms, and those precious moments of nursing you as tho you were my very own.  I missed out on those first steps, first words, and lots of other “firsts”. But i was honored to be able to see you as often as i did.  It was special to celebrate your 3rd birthday with you.

Your little sisters dreamt constantly about where you would sleep when you came home, and about the dolls and toys they would share  with you.  Josh talked about you too. He loved you alot.

Our family picture always included a picture of you, either from a time we were there with you, or else on the side. Some days i would think “where are all my children??” I felt like i was missing somebody. And then i realized i was. It was you.

You felt like so much a part of our family, without even being here. I don’t know i ever thought it was possible to feel so much like that when you weren’t even home yet.

Your daddy prayed for you so much. He sacrificed eating 99% of Fridays  until 6 pm for years, just for you  . I was so proud of his dedication.. No matter what that day held, even if we went to a wedding, or picnic… Your siblings knew that “daddy wasn’t eating cause he’s thinking of Karlee”.

We’ve prayed for God to bring you home soon. But we’ve also opened our hands to His will. As we have worked with the government, it has been an up and down process all along. But we’ve never felt clear to do anything but press on, and we were happy to do that, for you..

Until recently.

When we realized that we were at a crossroads of this choice;  either move you to a licensed orphanage (which was totally out of question for us) OR, have the Mamma  and Daddy you have known go through extensive paperwork to become licensed, and then start over with a new agency , ( and work through another couple year process), we made a really hard choice. You love the foster family you have known, and are very attached to them. You are already four, and we know that its really hard to move from an orphanage to a home, with all the attachments and adjustments. But from a home to a home?? So SO hard for a little girl to trust again.

So out of our love for you, and with clear confidence in this decision, we asked Don and Karole if they would agree  to nurture, care for and raise you. they were happy to continue caring for you.

Our love for you is strong, you will always have a special place in our hears, but we release you. My mama heart is going through more grief, pain and loss than i was prepared for.  I pray that this will not be wasted. That through this God will be able to make us more fit for the work He has for us.

We love you Karlee Jo.

 

 

The following songs have been a great comfort to me:

All things work for our good
Though sometimes we can't
See how they could
Struggles that break our hearts in two
Sometimes blind us to the truth
Our Father knows what's best for us
His ways are not our own
So when your pathway grows dim
And you just can't see Him,
Remember you're never alone
God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His Heart
He sees the master plan
He holds the future in His hand,
So don't live as those who have no hope,
All our hope is found in Him.
We see the present clearly
But He sees the first and last
And like a tapestry He's weaving you and me,
To someday be just like Him
God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His Heart
He alone is faithful and true
He alone knows what is best for you.

Another one is:

Consider the lilies they don’t toil nor spin
And there’s not a king with more splendor than them
Consider the sparrow they don’t plant or sow
But they’re fed by the Master who watches them grow
We have a Heavenly Father above
With eyes filled with mercy
And a heart filled with love
He really cares when Your head is bowed low
Consider the lilies and then you will know

May I introduce you to this friend of mine
Who hangs out the stars
and tells the sun when to shine
And kisses the flowers each morning with dew
But He’s not too busy to care about you. 

 

And i want to acknowledge, that in a little home in Haiti, there is a mama who’s heart is full of joy, that she won’t have to say good bye to dear little Karlee.  Our “loss” is her “gain”. I know she loves Karlee, and that she will be cared for. I am thankful for that.

 

A huge “thank you” to so many of our friends who have walked beside us, encouraged us,  and given in so many ways. We know God has a plan, and that He is using this to prepare us for a work. Keep praying for us!